Don't be afraid to get a little bourgeois

Ahh a wedding. The excitement, the sublime grandeur, the paramount promise of love everlasting and eternal union of body and soul. What an occasion, but what will you wear? In America, a wedding is perhaps the most formal event you will ever attend, and you should know a thing or two before you show up. Sure, the heaviest baggage of decorum falls upon the bride to be, with her long flowing gown of pale ivory and pearl, and her statuesque bride's maids, with their exquisite dresses, elegantly ruffling as they stride through the procession. But guests have responsibilities too, and refinement is at the top of the list.

It's important not to be that annoying high school pal who had one too many white Russians at the bar, and who then stands to make a toast but commits a horrible faux pas: "Bob'll be soooo much beterr fur you than that guy Tom, cheers!"

Of course, you would never make such a silly gesture, but there are many subtle rules of etiquette that you may not be aware of, such as which fork to use for your salad and which to use for the main dish. So, to make sure you are prepared for your friend's big day, read this short wedding etiquette guide so you can help make her wedding as magnificent as possible.

Basic Social Graces

The easiest thing you can do is to RSVP (respondez s'il vous plait). You don't want to show up unannounced and find out there isn't a deliciously fancy dinner waiting for you, or even a chair for you to sit in. So be courteous, and promptly let the wedding planners know that you will to attend. If you cannot, do RSVP anyway, and politely state that you regret not being able to attend.

Another easy, yet important rule is to show up on time. When it comes to weddings, being on time is much more fashionable than barging in when the couple is exchanging vows. But if you got a flat tire, and you arrive at the moment the procession is underway, wait outside until it's over. You missed your chance, and you don't want to steal the spotlight away from the bride by doing an army crawl to your seat. And on a side note, do not drown the couple with flashes from your camera when they are at the altar. You don't want to induce a seizure.

Finally, don't bring a date unless the invitation said you could. Weddings are very expensive, with all the food, drinks, and little fixings, so don't burden the couple with more expenses than they planned.

What to Wear?

This is actually a simple question, and the answer depends on two things: time of day, and level of formality. So lets go over the possibilities.

Informal, Day-Time: Contrary to popular belief, this does not mean you can wear Uggs and sweat pants, however comfortable they may be. When it comes to casual weddings think of wearing something that is professional, yet casual, like something you would wear to a business luncheon. A light, flowery sundress, a short and pretty dress, or a medium length skirt in a light color are good choices.

Informal, Evening: Cocktail dresses, and slightly formal leaning dresses are good choices. Just make sure the dress isn't too long, and remember not to wear too much white because it competes with the bride.

Formal Daytime: Short dresses are still the norm here, but no sundresses. Think of wearing more dramatic colors, pretty jewelry, and a little more make up than you would usually wear during the day. Hats add a pretty touch to daytime weddings and are always acceptable.

Formal Evening: Don't be afraid to get a little dressy, but don't go over board. Think about wearing a flowing and elegant cocktail dress, and make sure that it is nice and long. Hats and even fancy gloves are great for these occasions, but make sure that you don't wear something so sexy and revealing that you look like something might pop out.

General Tips: Although black is becoming more acceptable at weddings, steer clear of funeral gowns. Weddings are a celebration of life and love, so dress accordingly. Also, if your having doubts about what to wear, lean toward the formal side. An easy rule of thumb is to dress as if you were going to a nice restaurant, and last but not least, wear something fashionable.

Gastronomic Expertise

Yes, knowing the art and science of table manners is essential. In order to make the occasion as gallant as possible it is necessary to put down the spork, release your caveman like clutch on the knife, and eat with manners suitable for the French aristocracy. Okay, okay, table manners do not reign supreme in America, but it is nice to know how to eat with sophistication in case the need arises, such as a wedding, so here are some of the finer laws of etiquette.

For starters, don't order a meal that is overly messy. That means no baby back ribs or foods with lots of slippery sauce. You do not want to risk getting a barbecue sauce stain on your beautiful cocktail dress. Simple.

Always put the napkin on your lap, and don't wear it like a bib. Another easy one. This priceless safety net will save you pretty dress from the errant morsel that might fall into your lap. Once your done, place the napkin on the table, but not before.

Keep your hands on the table, and your elbows off, at least until the meal is done. Hands under the table carry with them implications of scratching in improper locations, if you know what I mean.

Utensils, a Quick Run Down:

• - The small fork is for the salad.
• - The large fork is for the main course
• - The teeny fork is for the hors d'eoeuvre, or the dessert.
• - The big spoon is for the soup.
• - The small spoon is for the coffee.
• - The knife is generally used for the whole meal, but there may be a butter knife present as well.

When you finish each plate, place your utensils in a criss-cross pattern on the plate, with the handles resting on the rim. With this basic knowledge you can leave gastronomic ignorance behind, because you are now ready to take on your

Side Note

The most important thing you can do at a wedding is to have fun, the bride will love you for it. Make it joyous, and do your part to help make it a memorable occasion. An easy way to do this is to join in the boisterous rituals, even if they are part of a religion you don't believe in. If you don't know what to do, ask around, or if your shy, just mimic what you see. Enjoy the moment and add to the splendor, the romance, and savour the love!

Sincerely,
Jonathan Bolé

Evening Dresses